Tuesday

Day passes after day and I am more and more desperate for something to happen. I don't obviously know what I am longing for, but that is a secondary matter. I am angry and frustrated. I am here and yet I am not.

I am sad. It has been too long since I first started feeling sad.

lazy Sunday

Today is Sunday. It looks like it is going to rain again. There are some very low clouds hanging over my windows. I have a headache. My boy is running around.

Mirek Czyzykiewicz and his ave makes me want to go somewhere where words have more meaning.
I have been working too hard and there is still no time to rest.

The craziness and speed I used to live my life with, faded away. I feel incomplete again. I feel an urge to dance in the rain, to let something take control over me.
What a beautiful feeling it is when nothing is up to you. There are people out there I would like to thank you for teaching me that. I hope I wasn't too bad as your pupil. I hope you enjoyed me.

Sometimes it takes time to realize who we really are and that things that are unspeakable are actually the things we are seeking. Today I know that and I am calm and agreeable. Today I am old enough to understand that some forms of pain are in fact the catharsis. Remembering the bruises on my skin makes me pure again. I miss the unknown.

Or maybe I just don't live anough anymore?

I am so tired at the minute.